Being about halfway into my 52 day pre-birthday shakeup (in some teachings, the 52 days are ruled by Saturn bringing order, contraction, and Karmic change, in others each day in the 52 represents a week of the previous year and old "stuff" will come up to be healed), the lessons have been thick & heavy as dense sharp snowflakes, and about as much fun to experience... trying to view each seeming problem and interpersonal conflict as a mirror, as in: what is it inside of ME that shadows or reflects this person/emotion/conflict I'm experiencing? Where have I been unyielding, mean, bossy, un-compassionate? Hmm even with myself.
That's one thing.
The other was: maybe, just maybe, I don't have to try so hard.
In usual fashion, I went berserk before the class, preparing packets, going over the class outline, cleaning, making snacks & tea... of course that's necessary prep but what wasn't necessary was the obsessive worrying that went along with it - - that undermining nasty little voice from childhood, or a past life? - - people wouldn't like the class, I wasn't a good teacher, that I'm - let's just say it - a fraud. Clearly one of my worst fears, unspoken til now. None of that is the truth. The four lovely young women who paid their money and placed their faith in my ability to teach healing arts were not disappointed in the least. They were glowing, happy beyond expectation, and all want to continue to the next level of learning. (And a big shout-out and tons of gratitude to them!)
One valuable observation: In the context of what I do at least, people love to be given the opportunity and luxury of time to absorb information, energy and teachings.Then practice and experience and feel it on their own, like allowing a soft rain to penetrate and nourish. I could have easily allowed double the time for practice and feedback, and not talked so much, and trusted that my group would "get" what they needed to receive from the class.
And in turn I learned: another level of belief and confidence in myself and my abilities. To trust in the wisdom and goodness of the guidance of the Universe. Affirmation that I am on the right path, that when something appears to be not working, there's a good chance it's the wrong thing, no matter how many closed doors "appear" to be in front of me, just to side of each door there is another, brighter opening.
Alice needs help. Well, to back up a bit: as some of you may know, I’m a massage therapist/yoga instructor specializing in populations with HIV, cancer, seniors, and special needs kids. I’ve spent a good bit of my life not caring about money. In recent years I’ve inched towards fiscal responsibility, but the past decade hasn’t been especially conducive, and lately it’s been like trying to stand up in heavy surf - just getting to your feet when another wave comes by to knock you down again. A while back (at least several years) I began having hip pain but didn’t think much of it. I would stretch, do some yoga, get a massage, use arnica, etc… which then progressed to NSAIDS, shorter hikes, more pain, sciatica, sometimes being laid up for a day or two. Like many massage therapists, I don’t have health insurance and just never went to the doctor, instead relying on the alternative therapies I practice and believe in. This spring it became obvious that whatever was going on was serious and getting worse, not better. I obtained insurance, got an x-ray and saw an orthopedic specialist, who diagnosed severe osteoarthritis and said I need a total hip replacement. Not a great thing when your job entails being on your feet! I’ve had to curtail my work hours; for every day of work I am immobilized for two. My savings is gone. I need to get the surgery sooner rather than later – I’m shooting for October – so I can get my life back to normal! I’ll be out of work for 4-6 weeks and need funds for living expenses, hospital & surgical deductibles, renting specialized equipment, physical therapy etc. I know I’ve done much good in the world; I give freely of my time, money and services. Now I am the one who needs assistance. If you can help out with any amount from one dollar to infinity, you will receive my deep gratitude and the blessings of the Universe. Donations can be made in cash, via paypal/ website http://madhuritherapeutics.com/cart2.html or by check/snail mail (email for details). Any questions, you can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org or on facebook. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you!!